'I found our server and the hostess both scrolling on their phones in silence': Husband and wife refuse to tip waitress after being forgotten by her for 25 minutes after being seated, even after telling the hostess once 15 minutes had passed

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 15, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Complaining about Karens and other "Can I speak to the manager" types is easy. At this point, it has almost become a cliche, with middle-aged women around the world being terrified of the Karen accusations. We all love to hate the Karens, but when they're gone, we'll miss them. 

Karens, or rather, anyone gutsy enough to stand up for themselves as a customer, serve an essential function in our society. We shouldn't be ripping into teenage fast food workers for minor errors, but we shouldn't be so paralyzed by the fear of being perceived as Karen that we never tell the manager when something is awry. Sometimes, you don't communicate your anger through words but through your pocketbook. The married couple in this story received negligent service during the first 25 minutes after they were seated at a nice restaurant. They decided not to leave a tip instead of screaming or going to another establishment. 

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Staff forgot about us, I didn’t tip

    Wife and I went to a nice place for a celebratory dinner. The bill was $200. The hostess showed ~ us to our table, then the server brought us water and took our drink order. The place was pretty quiet, with may 8-10 other patrons. 15 minutes went by, so | went to try to find our server. I
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    didn't see her but mentioned to the hostess that we were ready to order if she could find our server. Fast forward 10 more minutes, I went back up to the front desk and found our server and the hostess both scrolling on their phones in silence. I said "Excuse me, we are ready to order when you're ready." They both jumped
    via u/RoseKaKe
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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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    out of their skin and tucked their phones away. The server came and took our order and the night proceeded normally after that. Given that we waited 25 minutes to order our food (also didn't get our drinks until after we ordered food), and I know what the server was actually doing in the mean time, I decided not to tip.
    via u/RoseKaKe
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    VerdMont1 Someone else had a similar experience. They called the restaurant from their table and placed their order. The manager became their loyal waiter!!
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    featherdog_enl I did this once and could hear their phone ring and hear them complaining that the phone was ringing. They finally answered and when I asked for service and was told to come up and get my own menu. My friends and I left the restaurant and I left a bad review. My friends and I were teenagers at the time and I think the employees just assumed we wouldn't tip.
    via u/featherdog_enl
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    Senator_Bink We were once seated and forgotten. The menu had the restaurant's phone number, so we called them and said, "Yeah, we're at table number (whatever) and we're ready to order." The manager and server both came over and were all apologies. We told them we weren't mad, just hungry. They comped us part of the meal, so we tipped. If they hadn't comped us, we probably wouldn't have. You're NTA.
    via u/Senator_Bink
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    compassrunner NTA. You should call and speak to the manager about the service you received.
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    Slightlysanemomof5 I would be willing to guarantee that hostess and server complained you didn't tip but neglected to mention lack of service. If it's happening to you it's happening to other customers that affects the manager. Contact the manager, the manager will probably appreciate that information about his restaurant service.
    via u/Slightlysanemomof5
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    robbietreehorn Former restaurant manager. The worst servers rarely learn. Don't leave a zero tip on credit card. Managers see all the credit tips. If you leave zero, the manager will likely assume you left a cash tip. Instead, very legibly write in $0.01. One penny. It's a very, very clear message. "No, I didn't forget. Yes, I normally tip. Yes, the service was awful." The manager will likely start watching this server.
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    If you complain to the manager (feel no shame in this), compliment something if there was something positive (food was great, etc), and then state that your service was lacking. Be matter of fact instead of emotional and end it with a "just thought you should know." It gets the manager on your side instead of defensive.
    via u/robbietreehorn
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    Competitive-Bat-43 NTA - I see nothing wrong with not tipping in this situation
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    ender42y if they were slammed, and the wait staff has a hard time getting to everyone because they are busy, that's one thing. being caught on their phones after being asked to come take OP's order. they made their beds right then and there.
    via u/ender42y
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    NefariousnessFresh24 I probably would have walked out the moment I saw them scrolling on their phones. In fact, I once did walk out on a restaurant where I waited for more than half an hour without a server deigning to grace my table with their presence NTA
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    Where2Next4MeNow NTA: as a bartender and as someone who this has happened to before, I completely understand your frustration. My story is I work in the service industry. I went to a restaurant where I'm my girlfriend and I were regulars. Now I kind of don't dress the part because I hate putting on clothes to go out to eat, but that shouldn't stop me from getting good service. I watched my server flirt with these two women for 20 minutes while my drink sat empty. He never checked on us. He never
    via u/Where2Next4MeNow
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    said hello to us said great to see you guys again and refilled my drinks. Another server who we knew came by and refilled my drinks again. When the check came, I paid I left him Nothing, my girlfriend decided to leave him money. As we were walking out the door, I felt him staring at me and glaring, but I overheard him say they didn't tip me but one of his coworkers who knows us said you must've done something wrong because they normally leave 50Percent. Servers assume just because someone sits a
    via u/Where2Next4MeNow
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    LeakyFac3 Ugh yes! Just because I'm sat in your section doesn't mean I tip for zero service. I was in a similar position where I had a new waiter at a sushi place I was a regular at. He basically gave me no service. The sushi chef took my order and checked in on me, the floor manager refilled my drinks. The waiter basically sat me, brought the check, and even tried to clear off all my cutlery when I was still waiting on dessert! I dropped his entire tip in the kitchen tip jar. I later heard he t
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    torrinpaige NTA. My husband and I once stopped at a diner beside a gas station in a snow storm. There were eight other folks there, two truckers, a family of four, and another couple. Waitress seated us, handed us menus and disappeared.
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    After about 20 minutes, I went to the coffee pot and filled my cup and my husband's. I then went around to see if anyone else wanted coffee. Another 15 minutes goes by and I walked up to the window into the kitchen and asked the cook if he's cooking. He looked surprised, said yes, and I proceeded to go to each table and take their orders and hand them to the cook. He rang his bell when each order was up and I took them to whomever they belonged to.
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    About halfway through eating, our waitress finally shows up and is very confused as to how everyone has food. She went into the kitchen and slammed out of there shortly after. The cook came out, said that our meals were no charge for poor service and told us we were welcome to stay as long as we needed until the storm blew over. And that was the night I got a job offer (we were 300 miles from home so I had to decline) and made $100 in tips for doing someone else's job.
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    No_Aspect805 I have a once and done policy w/ service based establishments. Don't tip, don't return. Plenty of people in the world are happy to work for your $, find them and tell all your friends about them.
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    TheOnlyDave This happened to me once, it turns out the hostess sat us in an area that wasn't assigned to anybody. We didn't notice because we were all having a good time, somebody noticed us after about 45 minutes of us being there. They restaurant comped everything and we ended up throwing down about 100 bucks in tips because the waitress was really great once they found out about us.
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    FearlessFreak69 When I waited tables I once had a hostess seat me and never let me know I had a table. That same hostess then later asked if I had greeted the table yet because they were complaining. I never even knew I had the table. Turns out she was a hostess, was drink, and forgot to tell me I was sat.
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    smjaygal NTA honestly. I did something similar at a Bob Evans once. I even stiffed the entire bill because it was so egregious. We only got drinks and were there almost an hour waiting for someone, anyone, to come take our order. The restaurant was pretty busy, but we saw our waitress being absolutely stellar with everyone but us for some reason
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    My daughter was 2 and barely holding it together. A patron at the table next to us asked if we were cool with her giving her uneaten dinner roll so the little one would have something to eat. We took the roll, thanked her, and that was our cue to leave. When the service is so bad that another customer offers a bit of their food, there's a huge problem
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    The hostess tried to flag us down so we would at least pay for our drinks and I told her to stuff it up her a. I'd pay for drinks when my toddler wasn't forced to go hungry because the waitress couldn't be assed to serve a group of queers. I said the same thing on the Google review from the Wendy's drive thru. I've never been back to a Bob Evans since
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    txa1265 NTA - I've done a no-tip once, we took my wife's parents out for an anniversary dinner and got the absolute worst service ... I actually got up three times across the meal (this was mid-90s) to chase down the server and once had to go to hostess.
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    After asking for the check we waited for 10 minutes, I had everyone else go outside while I paid and gave a $0.10 tip (round up to nearest dollar) on a bill close to $200. The server actually chased me into the parking lot like they were confused - I made it clear that I'd had to chase them all night right to trying to pay and it was literally the worst service of my life (still true 30 years later). I was astonished that after all of that they were still hoping/expecting an actual tip.
    via u/txa1265
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    nuwildcatfan NTA, but when this happens to me, I deliberately tip a very low amount, rather than nothing, so they KNOW what I thought about their service, or lack thereof.
    via u/nuwildcatfan
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    randomly-what My father is a boomer but has always been a good tipper. He left literally just a penny one time at a business dinner where he was hosting clients. The bill was over $1000. One of his clients never got his dinner despite repeatedly asking for it and they were largely ignored the whole night unless they flagged down help.
    via u/randomly-what
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    Pining4Michigan When something like this happened to us, my husband--who had worked in the food industry--went to the manager. He told him that he couldn't find our server, the he handed over the tip and told him, "This is for the back staff not our server. They shouldn't miss out because of her." The manager was tongue tied but I bet he couldn't find her either.
    via u/Pining4Michigan

  • I think these personal anecdotes are a lot more weighty reasons not to tip a server than saying, “Waiters shouldn't have to rely on tips; they should be paid enough hourly to survive.” While I agree with that sentiment, not tipping a waiter because you disagree with tipping doesn't improve that waiter's life. It makes their life worse. 

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customer service date night server servers bad service customers restaurant customer food service dinner host hostess restaurants restaurant server service industry
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